Relationships: Follow the Flag!

For centuries, soldiers in battle would follow the flag of their country or regiment. This helped them to keep moving in the right direction. It also kept them from being separated from their comrades.

When asked for a few biblical principles to heal and improve relationships, an acrostic I like is FLAG, as in--follow God's flag for relationships.

F is for FORGIVENESS.

If you get close to another human being for long enough, they will disappoint you, hurt you or, even betray you. If you eliminate from your life every person who causes you pain, you will end up alone. You were created for community. Forgiveness is YOUR get out of jail card; it sets you free from resentment, bitterness, and eternal replays of the offense against you. Forgiveness is not excusing the offense, (some things are inexcusable), rather it is letting go of your options to judge and punish the other person. Forgiveness is different from the pain you feel when you recall the offense. You may still be hurt and make the choice to give the other person to God--who alone knows what the other person needs (e.g., discipline or blessing). When we postpone forgiveness we fear that God won't get it right. But he will, and he may be waiting for you to get out of the way. Boundaries often need to change, but forgiveness is not an option, it is a command.

Bear with one another, forgiving whatever grievances you have against one another because Christ forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Pray: God help me to forgive as you have commanded. You are God and I am not, so I hand the person over to you. When I am tempted to pick this back up and help me to give it back to you. I still feel pain about this, so I ask you to teach me whatever it is you would have me learn (compassion, patience, grace) and bring good from it to further your Kingdom. Amen

L is for LOVING HONESTY

Like Billy Joel sang, honesty is hardly ever heard. Maybe we think honesty has to be brutal. Maybe we have heard the word connected to rude, unsolicited opinions about inconsequential matters. But if Jesus came in grace and truth, and Paul exhorts us to speak truth in love, maybe there is a better way.

Speaking truth in love we will all grow up into the head of the Church, Jesus. Ephesians 4:15

Truth means many things. It is one of the gospel's two legs, the other being grace. The truth is, I need a savior. There is nothing I can do to be good enough to be in God's presence. There is only one remedy for my sin, and it is trusting in the righteousness of Jesus Christ to make me right with God. That's where grace comes into play, because God has made that provision, not because I deserve it but, because he extends his grace for all who will accept it. This is the benchmark and foundation for loving truth. We who believe can extend it to others because we have received it from him. Before we can accept his grace, we have to recognize the uncomfortable truth that we need it.

In human relationships, truth may be expressing loving concern for the path of a brother or sister. We are commanded to restore gently those who are overtaken by a fault. As with the gospel, we can lay it out there but, ultimately we are not in control of the other person's response. Sometimes what appears to be an unfruitful intervention takes time and, people can eventually give in to the truth. Honesty may also mean asking for what we need in a relationship, while remembering that our biblical perspective need to be what am I giving, not what am I getting. Other people cannot read our minds so, it is sometimes necessary to spell things out for them, Do it lovingly and you will get better results.

Pray: Father, help me to see your truth in all things and help me to know when and how to speak the truth in love. It is not loving for me to withhold a truth another needs to hear, but keep me from my own pride lest I stumble. Amen

A is for AGAPE love.

This is the kind of love a parent (hopefully) has for a child who is learning a new task (like walking or talking). The parent does not punish the child for not being proficient in his first efforts but, meets the child where he is (often on the floor), encouraging and believing in him. These attitudes from the parent encourage the child to get up and try again. Coming from the Holy Spirit who is infinitely patient with us, this kind of love never gives up, never fails, and gives the other person the benefit of the doubt. 1 Cor. 13

Above all, love one another deeply because love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

Jesus "new command" was simply, "Love one another," as it fulfills every other command in Scripture. We know agape love in that while we were still defiant, Christ died for us. This love is the result of the Holy Spirit who indwells every believer. It is not a matter of us mustering up more love; it is a matter of getting our selfish egos out of the way and asking how can I be salt and light?

Pray: God, I ask that you remind me of your love for me and of your desire that your love flow from me. I need this so that the camera in my mind stays focused on you and others and not on self. Let me put my ego (my sinful nature) to death so that I can live fully and abundantly for your glory. Amen

G is for the GOOD STUFF

One of the main traits of lasting relationships is the ability of partners to focus on the positive. We know the negative is there. Every human has different expectations for others and reality is, those expectations are not always met, even when we communicate honestly and lovingly. Similar to gratitude, focusing on what is good in relationships keeps our hearts open and helps us overlook our unmet expectations.

Whatever is good, true, right, pure, lovely, excellent, of good report, worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8

Pray: Father, please help me to choose  to think about what is right in the relationships you have given me. Help me to remember that you cause everything to work for my good and so, help me to turn my focus away from what I see as imperfect in others, even as I hope they will do for me. Teach me to be an encourager, acknowledging the good in others and cheering them on. Amen

BOTTOM LINE

There is no formula that guarantees every relationship will meet your expectations. You need to let go of that overall illusion. We are not in heaven yet, and we are not gods of our own little worlds. We live here with others who will sometimes make choices we do not agree with and, some of those choices will have a painful impact on us.

However, God is pleased when we choose to do these things. As we walk in fellowship with him, his Spirit prompts and empowers us to love in ways we never imagined. This is a win in and of itself. Often, we get back what we send out in relationships (think of echoes) and our relationships can only be enriched as we follow God's flag.

Q & A: The Foundation of Healthy Relationships

Healthy Relationships

This post is a summary of part of an interview I recently gave in a local church.

·        How would you encourage people to have a healthy foundation that would lead to healthy relationships?

Relationship with God is meant to change everything. When we trust in Jesus to be our salvation, the Holy Spirit comes to dwell inside of us. He begins a remodeling process in us that takes the rest of our lives. We have to cooperate with Him in this process. It is possible to be a Christian and remain self-centered and unloving. So talking with God, thinking about God, and learning about God are ways of deepening that relationship.

^“7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

¹³ This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

¹⁹ We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:7-19New International Version (NIV)

Relationships require some kind of communication. The main way God talks to people is through his Word, so time in the Bible is huge. If we lack a biblical foundation, we are guessing what God wants (if we are thinking about what God wants at all). By becoming familiar with the Bible we are building a frame of reference. Then the Holy Spirit can bring a passage to mind just when we need it. You don’t have to spend hours every day, a few minutes a day adds up over time. You can listen to CDs or download Bible audio versions if you struggle with sitting down to read.

^“12 For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12New International Version (NIV)

Ready to stop playing games? Ready for relationships based on more than selfish needs and competitive motives? Ready for a relationship with God that can have a positive and eternal impact on your other relationships? Make Him your priority and see what happens. You will be amazed!

 

 

King of kings, Lord of lords

The phrase “king of kings” is found in Scripture six times. Once, the title is applied to God the Father (1 Timothy 6:15), and twice to the Lord Jesus (Revelation 17:14; 19:16). The other three (Ezra 7:12; Ezekiel 26:7; Daniel 2:37) refer to either Artaxerxes or Nebuchadnezzar, kings who used the phrase to describe their supposed sovereignty over their respective realms (Persia and Babylon). The phrase “lord of lords” is used in Scripture five times and only referring to God (Deuteronomy 10:17; Psalm 136:3; 1 Timothy 6:15; Revelation 17:14; 19:16). It is significant to note that, used together, the two phrases refer only to Jesus the Christ.

In 1 Timothy 6, Paul is concluding his letter to Timothy, reminding him to fight the good fight and keep his profession of faith.Timothy is to do these things “until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ,” whom he describes as “the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To Him be honor and eternal dominion.” The title indicates one who has the power to exercise absolute dominion. In the case of the Lord Jesus, his realm is all of creation. Paul takes pains to emphasize the unique nature of Christ’s rule, calling Him the “only” Sovereign, who is “alone” and “unapproachable.” The rule of Jesus stands alone and above all. Jesus trumps all.

The other two uses of the phrase, those in Revelation, refer to the return and final conquest of Jesus. The implication is that ultimately all other rules will be conquered or abolished, and He alone will reign supreme as King and Lord of all.  The writer of Hebrews says of the Lord Jesus: “He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of His nature, and He upholds the universe by the word of His power” (Hebrews 1:3). The next verse describes Jesus as “much superior” to the angels. Clearly, His rule is absolute.

Paul clarifies this rule is derived from Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. In Philippians 2:5-11, he discusses the lengths to which Jesus went to atone for sinners, and concludes that this is the reason that “God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (vv. 9-11).

Finally, the Book of Revelation fully reveals the Kingship of Jesus. In chapter 5, the Lamb (Jesus) is the only one in all creation found worthy to open the scroll containing the judgments of God (vv. 2-5). In chapter 11, voices in heaven proclaim that the kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of Christ, and that He will reign forever and ever (v. 15). In chapter 12,  the authority of Christ is what causes Satan to be thrown down to earth (vv. 9-10). In chapter 17:12-14, the Lamb conquers all those gathered against Him, and John stresses that He conquers because He is King of kings and Lord of lords. Finally, in chapter 19, we read of His triumphant coming to strike the nations and tread the winepress of the wrath of God, having the authority to do so as King of kings and Lord of lords (vv. 11-16).

Jesus being King of kings and Lord of lords means that there is no greater authority. His reign over all  is absolute. God raised Him from the dead and placed Him over all things, “far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all” (Ephesians 1:21-23).

In a world that questions or ignores his existence, we followers are challenged to remember his authority over us. His commands (e.g. love one another) are not mere suggestions. But what he calls us to do, he also empowers us to do. Why wait for a final judgment day to bow to him? Everything in the universe is his, including you and all you call "yours". Offer it to him now because, he only has your best interest at heart. And as Paul writes in Colossians 3:15, "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts," because Jesus trumps all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6wL1IvMuWo

The Good Shepherd

When I first felt drawn to Western Colorado, Mary and I came out in the Fall to visit the valley we would later call home. As we drove from Gunnison to Montrose, a favorite memory we often recall is the sight of shepherds driving sheep through green pastures and glowing red oaks under the robin-egg-blue Colorado sky. I have since learned that Spanish shepherds were among the first settlers here.

Shepherds have always lived solitary lives with minimal accommodations. As with any profession, some are more dedicated to the sheep than others. Jesus loved to use the analogy of sheep and shepherds and called himself the "good shepherd." He knew that some shepherds were not invested in the sheep while others would literally lay down their lives for the flock. The analogy was not lost on his listeners. Sheep and shepherds were an integral part of their culture.

When he described a hired hand who would abandon the sheep when danger arose, his listeners would have known that he was referring to some religious leaders who loved the position and prestige they enjoyed, but did not love the people they were supposed to shepherd. In stark contrast, Jesus was saying that his commitment to them was as serious as life and death. He promised that he would lay down his life for them.


¹¹ “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. John 10:11

Eventually these words would prove prophetic. He did indeed lay down his life for our sakes. Religious leaders (consorting with other politicians) turned out to be the wolves who took him down but, he was clear that nothing happened to him that was not in the plan. He was not surprised and he was not their victim. Something else was going on, a spiritual battle--with eternal consequences--between good and evil. For a moment in time, it appeared that evil had triumphed over him--until his resurrection.

He is still the good shepherd. Having laid down his life, he continues to care for his flock of followers, resting us in green pastures, leading us beside quiet waters, restoring our souls. His commitment to us already proven, he will be true to his promise to keep us. If you are lost, he will not rest until you are found. Once he has ahold of you, no one can snatch you out of his hand.

If you have been a Christian for a long time, maybe you take these words for granted. Why not pause and reflect on the good Shepherd who cradles you tightly to his chest. While the call of the good Shepherd's voice is sometimes dangerous, in the end, there is no safer place to be.

Word

Our little red tool box sits on a chest of drawers in the garage. Smaller than the average toolbox, it contains the most basic tools needed to function in a home and for those "some assembly required" purchases: hammer, screwdrivers, tape measure, pliers, etc. Without these basics we would be really helpless. Of all the tools in the box, the Phillips-head screw driver is easily the most used and so it has a place of special honor on top of the heap.

Words are the fundamental tools of language. Of all the words in the English vocabulary, "word" itself has taken on many uses and meanings. For example, we may ask someone to give us his word, we believe a man is as good as his word, up to date information on a subject is considered the latest word, in an argument we want the last word and, when someone says something truthful or insightful we might simply respond: "Word." You might call word one of our most used tools.

Language evolves over time. When reading ancient literature, including the Bible, we miss something when we gloss over some phrases, including this one about the Word:

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." (John 1:1)

First, the Gospel of John, unlike that of Luke, is not considered a biography so much as a thematic presentation of Jesus' life. John wanted people to understand that Jesus' actions and teachings are inseparable from who he is. He shows Jesus as fully God and fully human--he took on full humanity but never ceased being eternal God (Creator, Sustainer of all things, source of eternal life). As one of Jesus' disciples and eye witness to the things he recorded, John wanted to convey this foundational truth so that people could believe that Jesus really was the Son of God.

John wrote to people of different cultures and backgrounds. Many in his reading audience were Greeks. To them, John wanted to show that Jesus is not only different from but superior to the mythological gods of their traditions. John wanted to prove to his Jewish readers that Jesus is the fulfillment of all Old Testament literature, also referred to as the written Word.

So, what does John mean when he calls Jesus the Word? Theologians and philosophers of both cultures used the term in many different ways. In Hebrew Scripture, the Word was an agent of creation (Psalm 33:6), the source and message to his people through the prophets (Hosea 1:2) and God's law and standard of holiness (Psalm 119:11). To Greek philosophers the Word was the principle of reason that governed the world, while to Hebrews the Word was another way of saying God. John's introduction to his Gospel clearly explains that he his talking about Jesus (vs. 14) as a human being he knew and loved and, simultaneously God--Creator of all things, the ultimate revelation of God and, the living manifestation of his holiness.To the Jewish readers, "the Word was God" (in reference to Jesus or any man) was blasphemous; to the Greek reader, "the Word became flesh" was unthinkable. John introduced a completely new use of the Word as gospel, the Good News of Jesus Christ.

As we read the first chapter of the Gospel of John with this deeper understanding, layers of meaning and truth open up to us. What John is saying was--and is--revolutionary. To John, to think that Jesus was just a good man or a great teacher was to miss the point entirely. Here he emphatically insists that with the advent, death and resurrection of Jesus, God has had the last Word.
 

Author and Finisher

The recent political scene in the United States has involved a lot of controversy about the Constitution. In conversations about it, eventually someone says something about what the authors intended (or did not intend). This is not a blog post about those debates, rather about an author of something greater--our faith!

The Hebrew recipients of the letter of Hebrews knew the characters of chapter 11 very well. Abraham, Noah, Rahab, Moses, Joseph, Jacob and Esau, the faithful who passed through the Red Sea--these people inhabited the pages of Old Testament literature as examples of people led by faith to places they did not know and could not handle (apart from God). The Jews claimed such a heritage with great pride--and rightly so. The writer of Hebrews wanted them to get the big picture--that Jesus is the fulfillment of Old Testament faith. In his coming, the Word became flesh (John 1) and the goodness of God walked among us in grace and truth.Having just given what we affectionately call "faith's hall of fame" in Hebrews chapter 11, the writer of the book concludes this:

"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."  (Hebrews 12:2)

All biblical faith is authored by and made complete by this God-man, Jesus. Far from a passive victim of circumstance who floated along contemplating fields of lilies until he landed in court, Jesus was there when  the world was made, holds all things together by his faithful character, lays down his life for his followers, goes to prepare a place for them, and promised to come back to make things right in the world. He is worthy of our trust (faith), and he actively and deliberately carried out the plan of salvation for all who trust in him.

As we go about our daily activities, is he the author and finisher of our lives? As with the Old Testament saints listed in Hebrews 11, circumstances sometimes appear to be random and impossible as we walk through them. The question is whether the anchor of our trust is lodged deep within his true and faithful heart. He walked through some dark and seemingly random places for us, so he is compassionate and understanding of our tests and trials.Let's patiently run the race set before us, our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and fulfiller of our faith. He won't let us down.

Wonderful Counselor

When I meet with people in my office for the first time, I ask them about any previous counseling experiences. Frequently they cannot remember the name of the person who counseled them a year ago. This is humbling of course, because we like to think we are unforgettable.

There are exceptions though. Once in  a while, someone will report that so and so was wonderful as a counselor. When I ask what was good or helpful, they say things like "good listener," "offered perspectives," or "gave us skills."

One of the famous names of Jesus (given to him in the prophecies of the Old Testament and repeated by the angels at his birth) is Wonderful Counselor. Nelson's New Illustrated Bible Dictionary defines "counselor" as one who counsels or advises. Certainly we see plenty of these in Jesus' teachings. He was always listening, reading the heart of the speaker and hitting them between the eyes with his replies. The rich young ruler was asked to give all he had to the poor and follow him; Peter was called Satan for asking him to take the easy route; Martha was told to stop her busy work and sit down and listen. His Kingdom perspective lifted us above the daily grind to see the world from an eternal perspective. Amassing wealth and high positions are meaningless, or even hindrances, in this new Kingdom. He challenged us to find the blessing in being poor in spirit, meekness and mourning.  He taught us how to live in ways that were often new and usually unexpected--count the cost, give more than people request, keep looking forward, live one day at a time, give up your life and you will save it--the teachings of his Kingdom turned everything upside down. He never once invited people into a marginal relationship with God but, taught them that there is nothing more valuable by comparison.

Interestingly, when he knew his time to leave this planet was just around the corner, he told his followers that a Counselor (the Holy Spirit) was about to come. His Spirit would lead them into all wisdom and give them power. While on earth, Jesus was in one place at a time, dealing with, healing or teaching those with him, then and there. Since the advent of his Spirit of holiness, we have his presence with us, simultaneously, wherever we go. As such, he empowers us, listens, changes our perspectives, and teaches us new ways of being and living.

Human counsel is inherently flawed. As a counselor I know that on my best day the words that come from me are a mixed bag. I pray true wisdom sticks to people and the rest is forgotten. It does not matter that people will not remember my name a few years from now. What matters is that they enter into a deeper relationship with the Wonderful Counselor who will never leave them or steer them wrong.

⁶ For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 9:6   New International Version (NIV)