Some have called lament a lost language (Michael Card,
Sacred Sorrow). In a culture where we equate happiness to feeling nice and
comfortable, there is not a lot of encouragement to express our painful
feelings to God or to one another. People feel uncomfortable with the anguish
of others, not knowing what to say, being unable to fix it…so they tend to pull
away from people in pain. To some, it feels like a lack of faith to say
anything that is not immediately positive, joyful or hopeful.
Think about a relationship with another person, where every
time you speak with them, they are “just fine” no matter what has happened.
They lose their job, their spouse is diagnosed with a serious illness, their
child runs away…and all they say is that they are “fine.” Now, a few rare
individuals may actually be fine no matter what happens, but most people need others
from time to time…a shoulder to cry on, a friend to lean on. If all someone
ever says is that they are fine, how can you support them? How can you feel
close to them? When you have a struggle, will you turn to that person or will
you fear they won’t understand because they have never been anything but fine?
The point is, without honesty, there is no intimacy. As we really open up with
others, we experience closeness. It is the same with God.
Much of Scripture is lamentation. A large percentage of the Psalms
is the writer crying out to God, wondering out loud, “how long will I have to
suffer at the hands of my enemies, why do the wicked prosper, it hurts that I
am wrongly accused, etc.” Remember, these Scriptures are inspired by the Holy
Spirit who also recorded and preserved them. Why? I believe to show us a
picture of emotional vulnerability and authenticity before God. God wants us to
be real with him. If we think about it, he already knows how we really feel
anyway, so we have nothing to lose and a lot to gain by being authentic with
him. Of course, I am not talking about cursing God. I am talking about coming
before him and laying everything out. We draw closer to God when we do this. We
also feel less alone, and the Holy Spirit can speak to us to heal our
brokenness. David, Job and even Jesus
lamented at times:
David
“Why are you so
downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, For I
will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” Ps. 43:5
Here David acknowledges and expresses the feelings, and
chooses to hope in God. He testifies to his belief that he will praise God for
his deliverance when the trial is over.
“He heals the
brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Ps. 147:3
This speaks to God’s heart of compassion to the broken and
wounded. He is eager to comfort and heal us when we lay our brokenness before
him.
Job
“Then Job opened his
mouth and curse the day of his birth. 2) He said:
3)’May the day of my
birth perish, and the night it was said, “A boy is born!”’ 3:1-3
So, Job openly lamented that he was even born, death to the
suffering he endured.
“I cry out to you, O
God, but you do not answer; I stand up but you merely look at me.” 30:20
Here we see that Job lamented the feelings that God was
silent and possibly indifferent.
David and Jesus:
“My God, my God, why
have you forsaken me?” Ps. 22:1; Mt. 27:46; Mk. 15:34
God did not strike them down or disown them for lamenting
their situations, but in fact loved them through their struggles.
People benefit emotionally from expressing emotions up to a
point. Repressing uncomfortable feelings or pretending they are not there can
lead to some more serious emotional issues down the road. We are not talking here about throwing an
endless pity party, or making wallowing in our sorrows a way of life. We are talking about being real, expressing
our pain, asking God to help us deal with things, placing our trust in his
faithfulness, finding hope and recovery in an intimate relationship with him.
Expressing emotion is not the only step,
but it is often a first step. For
many people, it is a release and they feel better afterward…sort of the
equivalent of what some call “a good cry.” If you have been down or depressed
for some time, it may be time to reach out to someone outside yourself who can
help you gain a more hopeful perspective (a spiritually mature friend, a pastor
or counselor). Sitting in the dark and feeding dark thoughts is not the same
thing as biblical lamentation. Biblical lamentation, I believe, is calling out
to God in search of help, healing and hope.
A practical exercise is to write a letter to God. If the
issue is a big deal, it might become a series of letters. In these letters,
express your heartfelt feelings to God, like the psalmists did. The one guiding
thing I recommend is, at the end of each letter, to give the problem to God.
Ask him to motivate and empower you if you need to take action, and to leave
the rest to him. Visualize yourself handing the issue, the problem, the person
over to him. He is God, and you are not. You were not meant to bear God-sized
burdens. This is healthy lamentation. This exercise is helpful emotionally and
spiritually. It stops the obsessive thinking for a while, and it strengthens
your relationship with God.
